Eighteen Video Tapes
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: I just need to tell you one more thing before I go. It won't be long, you'll have a little baby of your own. Be there for them every day, no matter what it takes. Even if you have to put your love on eighteen video tapes...


Something I've been working on for a while. Mentions character death, and definitely a tear jerker. The song used is Jason Meadows' Eighteen Video Tapes. Enjoy, and please review.

Disclaimer: Not mine!

BABABABABABABABABA

Little Bobby Goren was confused.

After playing with his friends for a while, he walked home and went inside. Something was troubling him deeply, and he knew that if anyone could help him figure out what was wrong, it was his mom.

He went into the living room, calling out, "Mommy?"

Finally he found her in her bedroom, and he looked down at the floor. "Mommy?"

Alex Eames turned her head and looked at her only child. "What is it, baby?"

He toed at the ground, suddenly shy. When he finally found the right words, he asked, "Mommy, where's my daddy?"

Alex paled. Her son was only six, but sometimes he was so much like his father, it scared her. "Baby…" She knew that he would ask this question one day, and she had tried countless times to form an answer to have ready for him. But suddenly she was at a loss for words.

"Everyone else has a daddy. How come I don't have one? Doesn't he love us?"

With a soft groan, Alex went to her son and gathered him into her arms. "Baby…" she started, a hard lump forming in her throat. "Your daddy loved us more than anything in the world…" She kissed his head.

"Where is he?"

With a soft sigh, she stood up again and gently took her son by the hand. "Come here, sweetheart."

Curious, Bobby followed.

Alex led him down the hallway, to a closet that she rarely opened. She opened the door, then leaned down and moved boxes, until a safe was visible. "I know you have a lot of questions about your dad, sweetheart. And I think this will help."

She unlocked the safe and pulled the door open, revealing several stacks of video tapes.

_One day, little Bobby said _

"_Momma, where's my dad?"_

_Fighting back the tears, she said_

"_I knew one day you'd ask."_

_She walked him down the hallway _

_To a closet with a safe_

_She said, "I think you'll find the answer right here _

_In these eighteen video tapes."_

After pulling out the first three tapes, Alex led her son into the living room. He sat down on the couch, and Alex put the first tape on. Then she grabbed the remote and sat down beside her son.

Bobby watched his mother intently, sensing her deep sadness as she turned to face him.

"Bobby… Your daddy was so happy when we found out about you." She reached out and ran her hand lovingly through her son's hair. It was thick and curly, just like his father's. And sometimes, when she looked at her son, it was almost like Bobby was still there with her.

Almost.

Bobby looked around. "Where is he?"

That was the hard part. She sniffled. "Your dad got really sick, sweetheart. And his doctors told him… that he wouldn't be around to see you." The day they found out the news, Bobby had spent hours crying in her arms, because he knew that he was leaving her alone to raise their baby. And he had always promised her that he would never let that happen. She had tried in vain to convince him it wasn't his fault, and he had fought valiantly. But in the end, it just hadn't been enough.

Seeing her tears, Bobby crawled into his mother's lap and hugged her tightly.

Alex wrapped her arms firmly around her son and kissed his head. It had been Bobby's idea to make the tapes, and Alex encouraged it. This way, he could still teach his boy everything he would need to know, even if he couldn't be there to teach him himself. He had hated knowing his little boy would grow up without a dad. He had, and it was something that he had always swore he would never put his own child through. But Alex reminded him countless times that he wasn't choosing to leave them.

Finally she composed herself. "Are you ready, sweetheart?"

Bobby nodded, focusing his dark eyes on the TV.

Alex hit Play, and when Bobby's face appeared on the screen, fresh tears welled up in her eyes.

"_See, the doctors told him he'd be gone_

_Before you were born_

_It broke his heart to know_

_He'd never hold you in his arms_

_Determined not to let you grow up_

_Learning from mistakes_

_He put everything he thought you'd need to know_

_On eighteen video tapes_

The little boy stared at the TV, at his father. He had seen pictures of this man, but because he didn't want to upset his mother, he never asked.

Bobby smiled warmly. "Hello, son. Today's your fifth birthday, and there are some things I want to show you, and tell you."

The little boy slid off of the couch and sat down on the floor, close to the TV.

On the screen, Bobby picked up a bat. "When you're playing baseball, and you're learning to hold the bat, make sure you keep your shoulder back." He swung the bat slowly. "Just like that."

The scene changed, and Bobby was holding a fishing reel. "Your mom loves to fish, so I hope she'll take you some weekend. I know she'll teach you how to cast your rod and reel, but I wanted to show you, too." He grinned at the camera, and Bobby stared at his dad's face.

Alex sniffled. She had helped Bobby make all of these tapes, and she hadn't watched them since they made them together. Now it was all flooding back. She wrapped her arm tightly around her middle.

In the next scene, Bobby was sitting on a chair. "I'm sure you'll be learning to ride a bike soon, son. You're going to love all of it, except the training wheels. Your mom will love those."

Alex laughed softly, wiping at her eyes.

When the tape was done, Bobby went to his mom and crawled into her lap.

Wrapping her arms tightly around her son, Alex kissed his head and closed her eyes. And for a while, they just sat on the couch together.

_Like here's the way you hold a bat_

_Be sure to keep that shoulder back_

_And when you cast that rod and reel_

_Well, use your wrist, it's in the feel_

_And when you learn to ride your bike_

_I'll tell you now that you won't like_

_Those training wheels_

_But your momma will_

After that day, Alex made it a point to show her son one of those tapes a year, on his birthday. In a way, it kept them both connected to him, and that comforted both of them.

Time and time again, Alex was thankful that Bobby had decided to make the tapes. After the diagnosis, she had been numb and lost in disbelief. She had lost one husband already. Why was God taking Bobby, too? It just didn't seem right, especially when the doctor told Bobby he'd never even hold his only child.

It seemed beyond cruel, yet there was nothing either of them could do about it. And Bobby had seemed to accept it long before Alex could.

Alex watched as her son grew more in his father's image every day. She had always hoped to have a large family, but after losing Bobby and giving birth to their son by herself, she realized how lucky she was to have their boy. And even though she had tried going on a date or two, she could never completely let go of the man who had captured her heart.

_From that day on, his mama showed him _

_One of them a year_

_Sometimes it was almost like _

_His dad was really there_

_Sometimes he laughed, sometimes he cried_

_But he always walked away_

_Having learned another lesson from his dad _

_On those eighteen video tapes_

On Bobby's sixteenth birthday, Alex drove him downtown, ignoring his demands to tell him where they were going.

"Come on, Mom. Just tell me!"

"No." She reached over and ruffled his hair. "You'll find out when we get there."

He groaned in frustration, and Alex laughed. He never liked to wait for anything, just like his father.

Finally they arrived at their destination, Lewis' body shop. She parked and got out of the SUV.

Bobby jumped out and followed his mom, curious. "Why are we at Uncle Lewis' shop, Mom?"

"Just come on."

They went inside, and Lewis immediately spotted them. His heart flipped, just as it did every time he saw his best friend's son. Bobby looked so much like his dad that, if Lewis just closed his eyes, it was like he was with his best friend again.

He hugged Bobby tightly. "Happy birthday, kid," he said affectionately before kissing Alex's cheek.

Bobby nodded. "Thanks, Uncle Lewis."

Alex smiled at Lewis. "Bobby's sixteen now, and I think he's ready, Lewis."

Lewis lit up. "Really?"

"Yeah."

Bobby looked between the two, curious. "Ready for what?"

Lewis ushered them to a far corner, his steps light. He stopped in front of a veiled car.

As Lewis laid his hand on the covered car, Alex looked at her son. "Bobby, this was your dad's pride and joy." She smiled sadly. "Before he knew about you, that is. He wanted you to have it when you were ready. And I think you are."

Lewis pulled the tarp away, revealing a cherry red '69 Mustang that he and Bobby had restored together.

Bobby gasped softly. He drew closer, staring at the car.

Alex smiled sadly. That was the exact expression Bobby had worn during a case they had worked so many years ago.

After hesitating for a moment, Bobby opened the door and slid into the driver's seat. "Wow..."

The sight in front of her made Alex's heart leap into her throat. She could have sworn that her husband was sitting in the car in front of her.

Why did you have to leave us, Bobby? she thought, running a trembling hand through her hair.

Lewis gave the keys to Bobby with a grin. "Take care of her, kid. Make your dad proud."

"I will, Uncle Lewis," he promised, pushing the key into the ignition.

"He already does," Alex said softly.

_Like when you shave, don't get too close_

_Lose the hair, but leave the nose_

_And when your mama gives you my old truck_

_Don't drive too fast or ride the clutch_

_Don't listen to your buddies, son_

_When the conversation comes_

_To the birds and bees_

_Just go to tape eighteen_

Late in the night, a soft cry stirred Bobby from his hard-earned sleep. Groaning wearily, he reluctantly slid out of his wife's arms and climbed out of the bed, padding over to the crib by the wall.

"Hey..." Leaning over, he lifted his son into his arms and settled him against his chest. Then he carried his boy out of the bedroom, into the dark living room. After turning on a light, he sat down on the couch and turned the TV on.

The silence of the room was broken by his father's voice, and Bobby looked at his day old son nestled in his arms.

"I think that this is the most important thing I can tell you, son." The older man on the TV ran his hand over his hair. "I never expected this to happen. My dad wasn't there for me and your Uncle Frank, and it hurt. So I swore I'd always be there for my children."

The younger man smiled down at his new son, but there was sadness in his eyes.

"I never thought I would get sick, or that I would die before I even had the chance to see you. I know your mom is going to do an amazing job raising you, but... I wanted to be there for you. And I want you to know that one day, you'll have your own baby to take care of."

The baby in his arms snuffled and waved a tiny fist.

"I pray to God that you'll always be there for them. But if something happens, make sure that you find a way to be in their lives." Goren smiled sadly. "Even if you have to do this, and put your advice and love on eighteen video tapes."

"I will, Dad," Bobby whispered, kissing his son's tiny forehead.

"I love you, son. Never doubt that. I just wish that I had gotten to tell you myself. But don't wonder if I did. You and your mom are my entire world. You'll understand that one day."

Bobby smiled. "I already do."

Goren smiled sadly just before the tape ended, and Bobby was alone in the room with his son.

After a little while, his son was asleep again. Bobby eased himself to his feet and carried the baby into his bedroom. Laying his boy in the crib, Bobby watched him sleep for a few moments. Then he went back to his bed and slid beneath the covers with his wife.

He truly was a blessed man.

_I just need to tell you_

_One more thing before I go_

_It won't be long, you'll have _

_A little baby of your own_

_Be there for them every day _

_No matter what it takes_

_Even if you have to put your love_

_On eighteen video tapes_

The End.

A/N: Sad, huh? Hope everyone liked it. Thanks for reading, and please review! May 1st!


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